I tried a poem

[Silamai]

Trust me, it was nothing like that when I started. The last three "verses" were pretty much all jumbled together, but then I thought "Why should I stop the pattern?"

[Silamai]

This is basically based on the events of April 14, as well as over the past...ever. I'm tired of people trying to keep me down. I get so angry sometimes and I can't do anything but keep it inside. Not entirely healthy, I know, but think of this.

If I vent at school, I get suspended/expelled.
If I vent at home, I get screamed at for a few days.
If I vent anywhere else, I get arrested.

It's extremely frustrating. I just want to hit something, but I can't without repurcussions. Damn whoever thought of Zero Tolerance.

Rebellion

You think you know me, but you don’t. I can’t be known.
You think you can control me, but you can’t. I can’t be controlled.
You think you can help me, but you can’t. I can’t be helped.
You think you can stop me, but you can’t. I can’t be stopped.

So just stop trying.

[nightwalker83]

Cool! It's better than I could do.

[Silamai]

Thanks! And even more thanks for replying! Jeez, I was starting to feel a little guilty for posting so many times in a row.

*scratches back of head*

And I have another poem. It's not that good. I think my poetry streak is coming to an end.

I want love, but not from you.
I’m sick of the lies you feed me to keep me quiet.
I’m tired of the attempts to keep me under your thumb.
I want the real thing.
I don’t want a story to hold me back.
I want to experience the adventure.
I want to experience the mystery.
I want to experience the happiness.
I want the truth that you can’t give me.
I want it now.

[Silamai]

I wrote this a month or two ago at school actually. I shoved it in my backpack to type up when I got home, and then totally forgot about it. So I was looking for a permission form this afternoon and stumbled across it.

A note: There is deeper meaning behind the words...for once.

Eventually

We get older and our hair greys.
We get older and our bones weaken.
We get older and our eyesight disappears.
We get older and our mind is lost.
We get older and our heart dies.

[St. Aatos]

Cool

[Silamai]

Thank you.

Independence

Independence? It’s great, you know? I don’t need anyone’s help, and I don’t need to be coddled. People look at me and think I’m mad, but I think I’m just fine. Don’t patronize me, seriously. People who want love and stuff just seem weak to me. Why be with someone when they’ll just betray you? You’re better off as a loner, really. The only way to be. The best way to be.

------------------------------

Ever So Deceiving

It starts out as a tingle, and moves to a twitch as imaginary fingers play their little game up my back. Their eyes burn into mine and I feel something I've never felt before. The connection of our lips surprise me. My eyes are wide open, but as it continues they close to the tiniest of slits. I can barely breathe as we hold each other tight. The rush in the back of my mind is intense. Only one thought remains clear:

This can't be love.

[Silamai]

And here we are again.

Bet You Didn't Know

I bet you didn’t know that
Behind this mask lies a blood-spattered face
Always shedding tears of hate and sorrow and
Hating every human being who comes near.

I bet you didn’t know that
Through these eyes are the sights of demons
Playing the roles of everyday entities
That apparently only I can notice.

I bet you didn’t know that
With these ears I am forced to listen
To the sounds of people who don’t exist
Pestering me with their demands and proclamations.

I bet you didn’t know that
Using this nose I smell the stench of
Rotten breath and rancid death
All around me in this dark hole of a life.

I bet you didn’t know that
Out of this mouth comes
Pleas of mercy and cries for help but
They aren’t heard no matter what.

I bet you didn’t know that
These hands feel the coarse touch and
Rough caress of dark figures and evil foes who
Seek nothing but release for their own pleasure.

[Silamai]

A storm approaches.

It is a testament to my fury.

I bid it welcome.

Come wind, I cry!
Come rain, I cry!
Come thunder, I cry!
Come lighting, I cry!

Fill me with your rage…
Fill me with your power…

The hurricane winds surrounds me.
The stone-like rain batters me.
The rolling thunder throws me.
The pure lightning shocks me.

I can feel the power!
I can feel the strength!
I can feel the anger!
I can feel the hate!

Death…
Destruction…
Death…
Destruction…

It is at my command.

[Silamai]

Every Night

Every night I listen hard and imagine your voice.
Every night I close my eyes and imagine yours.
Every night I open my arms and imagine your embrace.
Every night I breathe deep and imagine your scent.
Every night I savour it and imagine the taste of your lips.
Every night I whisper your name and wish you weren’t just imaginary.

Every night I lie awake and wonder…
Do you do the same?

[St. Aatos]

These are pretty awesome!

[Silamai]

You know, I said that I was going to take a break from writing poetry, and yet here I am writing poetry. Jeez.

Secrets

I wanted to tell you how I
Feel but when I saw your
Face I thought it wasn’t
Worth it because you look
So happy without having
To worry about a summer
Romance that’ll never go
Anywhere so I’ll just keep
My mouth shut and suffer
For you.


Runaway

Why am I always the bad guy?
Why am I always the stupid one?
Why is it always my fault?
Why doesn’t anyone tell me anything?
Why do they play favourites?
Why don’t they ever listen?
Why do they think I’m just a kid?
Why can’t I scream whereas they can?
Why do they insist I’m useless?
Why can’t I cry even after all that?

Why am I still taking this?


An Unsent Letter

Today I started to write a letter that
Contained my deepest thoughts and
Feelings for you and I wanted to send
It but every time I opened the door to
The post box I would get second
Thoughts about what you would think
Because you have no idea how much
I want to touch you
I want to hold you
I want to kiss you
So the letter sits in my desk where
It will stay until I eventually rip it up
And tell myself how stupid I am for
Thinking that we could be more than
Just friends.


It Couldn't Be

I thought I saw you looking at me
Today in the hall where I usually
Meander through throngs of slow
Students but it couldn’t be what
I thought because you have no
Apparent reason to be looking my
Way but I’ll silently hope that you
Did glance my way and give that
Trademark smile that always
Makes me smile back no matter
How much my secret for you hurts.

[Silamai]

Okay, here we go. I've got a lot to show today. I must warn you that some of these involve dropping the F bomb once or twice, so I apologize if I offend someone.

Fears -NUMB-

I numb the pain
After that heartbreak
That you put me through
Because I told you how I feel
And you only laughed in my face
Because there was no way in fucking hell
That I could even think I’m in the same league
As you because you mean everything to me
And I’ll try as hard as I can to please you
If you’ll only give me a fucking chance
But I know I’m not worth your time
But I really wish I could be
Even if it’s only a lie
But until I can be
I numb the pain

---

Because I'm (in love)

I can’t understand why I keep caring when
I’m here and you’re there since it wouldn’t
Or maybe even couldn’t work because of a
Trivial thing such as distance but even then
I think about you and smile because there
Just might be a way for things to work out
Eventually and then I can look at you while
You look at me and touch you while you
Touch me and hold you while you hold me
And kiss you while you kiss me.

---

If I May

If I may be so bold as to tell you
That I wish I could see you
A hell of a lot more than I already do
Because this room gets awfully cold at night.

If I may be so daring as to whisper in your ear
That I’ve been thinking about you
A hell of a lot more than I used to
Because you’re much better than everyone else.

If I may be so audacious as to declare
That I would like to be with you
A hell of a lot closer than I am now
Because I feel best when I’m close to you.

---

What Will It Take

I’ll dye my hair
I’ll wear other clothes
I’ll talk differently
I’ll get new friends
I’ll ignore my family
I’ll change my religion
I’ll run away from home
I’ll make up a new name
I’ll do anything I can
To be with you.

---

A Gentle Nudge

You may not realise it
But I really do love you
And even though you don’t quite love me
I still love you
And I try to be subtle
And give you a gentle nudge
In my direction while
Trying to remain witty and charming
Without becoming a mere fake
So that you might one day realise
That I really do love you
And that you really do love me as well.

---

Emotive Portraits

This photo is of you and me
standing back to back
with me looking down seeming
as though I’m in
(love)
deep thought
because I just want to turn around and
(kiss)
look at
you because I feel so
(needed)
happy
when I’m near you but I know I should just keep this position because
(you don’t feel the same)
we’re only friends
anyway, so why change things?

---

My Thoughts

Joy
Like the caged canary
constrained, confined, and confused

Sorrow
Similar to the snake
deceptive and devious

Hatred
Borrowed from the world
with racist and sexist tendencies

Love
Most likely taken from bogus books
with all of those ever-so-pleasant “happily ever afters”

Me
A product of it all
cynical, hateful, hurtful, and doubtful

Myself
The black sheep
misunderstood, misconstrued and often mistaken

I
The raging volcano
silent…quiet…ERUPTS.

---

Starved

Constantly seeking praise
Always hungry for more attention
Because he never gets any
Can’t help but feel
Empty
Inside and he wants
Nothing more than approval
Always feels so
Alone
Hoping that some day
Some one will let him know that they
Truly care
And he won’t feel as
Useless
As he usually does
Because he’ll finally be
Full of some one’s
Love

---

Change the Subject

It’s nice that you have your
Perfect family
Perfect friends
Perfect lover
Perfect home
Perfect looks
Perfect fashion sense
Perfect thoughts
Perfect grades
Perfect urges
Perfect timing
Perfect speech
Perfect jokes
Perfect arguments
Perfect sex
Perfect country
But stop throwing it all in my face
With your holier-than-thou attitude
Before I take my
Imperfect pencil
And stick it in your
Perfect eye.

---

You Lose

Not quite what I thought you were before
Now that you’re prancing around like an idiot
Spouting off about how great you are
While avoiding the finer things in life
That don’t quite revolve around you
So as I continue to watch
I feel pain inside
Because I thought you were so much better than this
But I was wrong.
_{And I don’t love you anymore.}

[Silamai]

Held Ransom

The money or his life
or so say the crudely glued magazine letters
cut and strewn along a white (oh so white) page
some even from the newspaper (I can see part of today’s date)
It makes me wonder (I’m always wondering)
how long they’ll wait until giving up
because
=You=
my friends don’t really care about me
and will probably only come to my funeral (will I be buried or cremated) to dance on my grave
Masked men bore into me with their black eyes (they’re so blurry)
Their drugs are forced down my throat and take effect
I can’t breathe much as I sink into my own reality
One man laughs hoarsely (I’m sure the other is getting off from this)
I start to feel different while my world takes over (so colourful)
with warms caresses of
=You=
someone holding me tight (I miss your touch)
whispering sweet nothings into my ear (it tickles)
It’ll be alright
All I have left to wonder is
How long
it will be before the men realize that
=You=
^{my friends would rather see me dead.}

---

Fear Your Tears

It’s not okay to cry
Or so I’ve been told
Better to just let
Emotions run cold

Ignore your troubles
Don’t let them consume
Only let them out
When locked in your room

Put a smile on
Hide the shame
Of being a human being
Humans? How lame

Better to be
A robot of course
Never have to
Show your remorse

So face the facts
And fear your tears
You’ll get much farther
Through the future years.

[St. Aatos]

Those are pretty good!